Rated E for Eyeball Damage

Once upon a time I started a web site. And being the cheap bastard that I am, I built my web site mangled bunch 'o crap on Geocities.

Thanks to the fine folks @ the Internet Archive Wayback Machine I managed to find a 2001 version of my page.

Note: It was much, much worse when it was live. Pages on the Internet Archive are often stripped of some of their elements. In may case it's missing the bee-you-ti-full background image plus the wave file of Pachabel's Canon. Also, the pull down links do not work anymore due to a complex (and archaic) redirect system that I used @ the time.

I will admit that I couldn't remember my Geocities URL, but I actually found it linked on this genealogy page. I don't have a clue why they linked to me.

A few years later I moved my site to Telus since they offered free (limited) web hosting with our account.

You can see from this earliest version that I simply cut and pasted the code from one site to the other. I changed it a bit by the end, but it never evolved beyond an online bookmark list.

The page is technically still alive, but is just a redirect here.

As bad as my early web page was (And I'd like to think the design of this site is an improvement), my page was pretty damn subdued. Perhaps because I was in my 30's when I built it. But my God did Geocities help people produce a lot of crap. Since it was free, anyone could have a web site, and everyone did. They supplied an editing interface so that no coding ability was needed. And the masses responded by putting everything, including the kitchen sink, on their sites. And to be fair, other free sites such as Angelfire and (to this day) Myspace gave people the opportunity to ruin the Internet.

And yes, I understand that I'm just as guilty as the next person in that respect. So no need to comment about calling the kettle fuchsia, with a dancing baby gif, and a sound clip of Hungry Eyes.

And speaking of dancing baby gifs (and really the whole point of this post). Did I discover a doozy of a web site. Introducing The Geocities-izer. The tagline says it all "Make Any Web page Look Like It Was Made By A 13 Year-Old In 1996"

And that's exactly what it does.

Here's where I work.

And here's where where I work on Geocities-izer

Dear sweet moccasin snake in a sand pit. Is that ugly or what?

One more treat and I'll let you go play with the site yourself. Here is the new, improved version of Days of Whine & Wieners.

Note: If you have the security settings on your machine cranked up to paranoid, you may get a warning about the results being a hoax. And I guess in way they are. But they are not dangerous, except to your eyes and sanity...

Yes, Yes, Yes, I Know!

I know I haven't updated lately and that the masthead is out of date...

But it's been sunny and I've been out on my deck reading.

I'll post something new soon. Really.

But for now, I have a suggestion.

Sniff, Snorff, Wheezle...

Been sick as a pig feeling like shite the last few days and not up to posting.

I thought it was just a cold, but maybe not.

I took a do you have swine flu test, and the news isn't good.

Maybe I'll just sit in the sun and read a classic childrens book.

Or prepare for the worst with an educational video.

Also, thanks to those that provided the links. It makes my life so much easier when other people write my posts for me :)

BTW: 15 cases in BC as of today, the most in Canada. We're #1?

March? Yes You March...

... I'm talking to you.

I know you're confused and a bit out of sorts.

But could you please get your shit together.

Your goal: Spring.

Thank you for your attention

O.M.F.G! The Pepper, The Pepper...

... It's out to get me!

I love the site Faces in Places. People all over post pictures of things that look like faces.

Sounds simplistic? It is. But it's also kinda weird and wonderful. Pictures can be funny, whimsical, bizarre. Or as in this recent favourite, kinda scary.

Everything Sucks!

My name is Britt, and I'm a pessimist.

This page spoke to me. (clicken on the arrow thingie)

I. Can't. Breath!

I will never bitch about how crowded skytrain is again (until I do)

[A Train in China - Reserved Seats...]

Wordage....

I "found" this page a few days ago at work and had to stop reading after a few minutes because I was laughing so hard.

I introduce you to Sniglets

I've copied a few examples here for your enjoyment. These are ones that resonate with me. However I highly recommend heading over to the whole list as there are many, many more. (Note: the indented comments are my own)

Sniglet (snig'lit) - n. Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.

Anticiparcellate (an ti si par' sel ate) - v. Waiting until the mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail, so as not too appear too anxious.

• I've never been sure why I do this. Perhaps it's because if I'm home when the mail is delivered I'm probably still in my jammies.
  

Blivett (blih' vit) - v. To turn one's pillow over and over, looking for the cool spot.

• Futile.
  

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

• There has to be an anthropologist with an answer to this one. I suspect laziness (and yes I do this).

Ellacelleration: The mistaken belief that repeatedly pressing the elevator button will make it go faster

• When I worked in a hospital the maintenance man would yell at the nursing staff for doing this. His office was right next to the elevator shaft and every time we pushed the button he would hear the clacking sound from his desk. Repeated pushing would produce a charming percussion beat for his pleasure - clack clackity clackity clack. We also broke the button faceplate innumerable times.
  

Fictate (fik' tayt) - v. To inform a television or screen character of impending danger under the assumption they can hear you.

• "You asshole, don't open that.... Told you that would happen."

Furbling - v. Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

• And feeling like a complete tool in the process.
  

Genderplex - n. The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and tortoises).

• Pointers and Setters, John and Yoko, a picture of a boob and a penis; these are all examples that I've seen. Not confusing so much as silly.
  

Idiolocator n.- The symbol on a mall or amusement park map representing "You Are Here"

• Marketing idea: A rented GPS embedded in a map so you carry around your own "you are here". Have it programmable in some way so that you can also see the locations of people you are with. "Hey we lost John and Mary, no here they are over at the roller coaster of sure death"
  

Maggit (mag' it) - n. Any of the hundreds of subscription cards that fall from the pages of a magazine. (pl. MAGGREGATE)

• I usually remove these cards (along with perfume cards and other card stock inserts) before I read a magazine. They drive me nuts!
  

Phonesia (fo nee' zhuh) - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

• And you hope you recognize the voice at the other end. Not so much a problem anymore with an lcd display on the phone.
  

Prestofrigeration or Snacktrek: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

• Isn't there a chef living in the fridge?
  

Squatic Diversion (skwa' tik dy vur' zhun) - n. Any pretended activity that commands a dog owner's attention while the dog relieves itself on a neighbor's lawn.

• It's not polite to watch.
  

Wikipedia definition and more examples.

Hello I'm Britell

You have Brangelina & Benifer, so what is your celebrity couple name?

To find out go to the Celebrity Couple Name Maker.

And remember if you don't like the results try reversing the order you enter the names.

So for me & the hubster (Russell) it came up with Britell. Meh...

My mom used to call us collectively Brissell (part couple, part carpet cleaner, buy one today!), so nothing else sounds quite right to me.

When I was little we had friends who called my parents Billke (Bill & Elke). Has a rather Swedish sound to it I think.

Here are some fantasy celebrity couples:

Martha Stewart & Osama bin Laden = Marama
Prince Charles & Madonna = Madles
Buckey & Satchel (From Get Fuzzy) = Buchel
George Bush & Hilary Clinton = Geoary
Ann Coulter & Barack Obama = Barann

And for something sure to piss some people off:
Jesus & Mary (Magdelene) = Jesary

I'm Dry, Here's Some (Unrelated ) Filler

I'm tired and cranky, so I'm giving you linkage and absolutely no substance.

Weather Bonk is a really cool weather site.

Search for your location & click on the temperatures for more info and forecasts. Also shows local webcams.

Have a little someone in your life that you really, really hate? Peruse the the 10 most dangerous toys of all time for some great gift ideas.

When I was a kid my favourite cartoon was anything with Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner in it. Just once I wanted to see the coyote win, but like a baby on a sitcom it would only have ruined the show.

One of the things I enjoyed about their shows was that they didn't live by the same rules as the rest of the (real) world. Go ahead and run off a cliff. I guarantee that you'll start falling long before you notice how high up your are. Not in the cartoon world. Of course these are known as the laws of cartoon physics. A very enjoyable read. If you want more another slightly different version is here.

have fun kids, I'm outta here

Ego Trip

So you think you are unique. Chances are you aren't

Here is how to check:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 18 people named Britt Baker in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Couldn't find a site like this for Canada.

If I search for myself (whynot!) on Google I come up with very different stuff depending if I search for "britt s. baker" or "britt baker"

Everything under "britt s. baker" is me (or one of those stupid sites that want me to buy information on the person I'm looking for - fat chance)

But searching on "britt baker" results in tonnes of stuff not related to me.

According to Google here are some of my other persona's:

• An anime voice actor


• An Iowan business man with more knowledge of electricity than I have. (Not that difficult - electricity comes from the juice fairies, right?)


• Scary, scary myspace person. Sidebar; I don't get myspace. Every myspace site I've ever looked at looks like it was designed by an 8 year old. Too much colour, movement, sound. Too many links and images. Use the kiss principal people!

And really that's pretty well it. With only 18 people on the US census with my name, I guess that's about all I can expect.

Ok having told you what I think of junior grade websites like myspace, let me close with a stupid animated gif:

The World Needs More Lerts...

I think it's time for western Europe to move up to a plaid alert
(June 15 update - sorry dead link and I can't for the life of me find the story again)

And speaking of alerts

We all know this one:



but you gotta admit this one is much much cooler:



Ooooohhhh, scary:

Flotsam, And Her Good Friend Jetsam

Today I bring you some bits and pieces.

I -- Here is an old colouring book from 1961. Pretty demented! I introduce the Executive Colouring book

II -- Next a great little Youtube video. For all of you that grew up in the 70's and 80's this should bring back some great (or may not-so-great) memories.
Good times (ha!) Ladies and germs: Battle of the Bands

III -- This picture just made me mad! Have we lost all basic rights?


IV -- And one last picture. If you don't live in my area you will have to take my word that this is a REAL sign in most of the District of North Vancouver parks. It's nice to see a government that has at least a titch of humour


Thank you for your attention :-/

Also please note. If you can't see some pictures on this site (There should be 2 in the header @ the top of the page), it may be because flickr is having some problems.

Watch What You Say...

... or it just might get on the internet :-)



Gem of a sight I found through Dooce


-------

Also in the news. Tried to watch ER last week (actually a 3 week old episode as I've been stockpiling them on the pc) and finally said FUCK IT!

First 5 minutes.

1. Major drug overdose / suicide attempt


2. Major house fire


3. Hostage situation

And this stuff all was happening to the main characters - not hospital patients.

So delete, delete, delete, bye bye ER - RIP

Welcome To My World!

Well let's see how this thing works ok? Maybe I'll make a complete mess of it and it will really really suck. But what the hay....

Mostly (probably) I'll be posting stuff on the web that I A. Like, B. Hate, or C. think is really bloody odd.

It's a crapshoot.... :-)

To start you off. Here is a blog(ish) site I really like. James Lileks is a minneapolis writer. Don't always agree with his politics, but he can be very, very funny. His main site is here. And his blog (Called the Bleat) can be found here.

Enjoy

B