Rated E for Eyeball Damage

Once upon a time I started a web site. And being the cheap bastard that I am, I built my web site mangled bunch 'o crap on Geocities.

Thanks to the fine folks @ the Internet Archive Wayback Machine I managed to find a 2001 version of my page.

Note: It was much, much worse when it was live. Pages on the Internet Archive are often stripped of some of their elements. In may case it's missing the bee-you-ti-full background image plus the wave file of Pachabel's Canon. Also, the pull down links do not work anymore due to a complex (and archaic) redirect system that I used @ the time.

I will admit that I couldn't remember my Geocities URL, but I actually found it linked on this genealogy page. I don't have a clue why they linked to me.

A few years later I moved my site to Telus since they offered free (limited) web hosting with our account.

You can see from this earliest version that I simply cut and pasted the code from one site to the other. I changed it a bit by the end, but it never evolved beyond an online bookmark list.

The page is technically still alive, but is just a redirect here.

As bad as my early web page was (And I'd like to think the design of this site is an improvement), my page was pretty damn subdued. Perhaps because I was in my 30's when I built it. But my God did Geocities help people produce a lot of crap. Since it was free, anyone could have a web site, and everyone did. They supplied an editing interface so that no coding ability was needed. And the masses responded by putting everything, including the kitchen sink, on their sites. And to be fair, other free sites such as Angelfire and (to this day) Myspace gave people the opportunity to ruin the Internet.

And yes, I understand that I'm just as guilty as the next person in that respect. So no need to comment about calling the kettle fuchsia, with a dancing baby gif, and a sound clip of Hungry Eyes.

And speaking of dancing baby gifs (and really the whole point of this post). Did I discover a doozy of a web site. Introducing The Geocities-izer. The tagline says it all "Make Any Web page Look Like It Was Made By A 13 Year-Old In 1996"

And that's exactly what it does.

Here's where I work.

And here's where where I work on Geocities-izer

Dear sweet moccasin snake in a sand pit. Is that ugly or what?

One more treat and I'll let you go play with the site yourself. Here is the new, improved version of Days of Whine & Wieners.

Note: If you have the security settings on your machine cranked up to paranoid, you may get a warning about the results being a hoax. And I guess in way they are. But they are not dangerous, except to your eyes and sanity...

A Quinn Martin Production

I was having a discussion about old television shows with a friend the other day, and we came to the conclusion that ol' Quinn must have thought his entire audience was illiterate.

Proof:


Produced by Quinn Martin for Desilu.


Chikka bow, chikka bow bow.


Confession. I loved this theme music when I was a kid.


My Mom loved this show.


My God, he couldn't even leave them there foreeners alone. The narrator's voice is completely wrong.

See this is why I don't watch as much tv as I did when I was a kid. No-one will read the credits to me.

I would also like to make it perfectly clear that all these shows were aired years and years before I was born. My grandparents told me about them. Really.

More theme music fun here & here. Warning: the second link will cause retinal bleeding.

...But We Call it Home

I just love this ad. Beautiful scenery, inspiring message & famous BC stars:



BC stars?

The ad features Michael J. Fox, Ryan Reynolds, Eric McCormack, Kim Cattrall, Steve Nash, and Sarah McLachlan.

Fox, Cattrall & McCormack all have American citizenship, and except for McLachlan, none of them live full time in BC.

I'm ok with that. Hell, you go where the work is.

But then please don't call it "home"

The sad thing is that I know why they were used. This ad is meant to attract people from outside BC. And frankly, how many celebs do we have living in the province that would be recognized outside of it?

If my readers (both of you) can up with a few good examples, I be happily proven wrong. And those example can't be a band you really like, or an actor you think did a great job last year on that CBC documentary. I talking about names that would be recognized in South Carolina or Gdansk.

So go ahead, and please prove me an idiot.

Oh, and By the way - It's a Government of BC video

Olympic Cuteness

Now this is an Olympic mascot.

I have no love at all for these guys.



I don't find them cute or interesting, just a little embarrassing. Of course if you know me, you know I generally hate mascots. Heck, I love Disneyland, but won't go near Micky or his minion.

Completely non PC side note. Can we stop feeling collectively guilty over injustices against First Nations people and not give everything we do a native theme or component? For example I was pretty sure that Chinese New Year was about Chinese culture, but apparently not.

As usual I used Wikipedia (motto: the guilty secret of library staff since 1842) for my "research", and I think I discovered the bestest mascot ever.

Introducing Fatso the Fat-Arsed Wombat.



Dude!

Another side note. I don't plan to write a lot about the Olympics because most of it bores me. But then again, it is an easy topic, so you never know.

Olympics.... Oh, Yay

Why I'm glad I'm not working the first full week of the Olympics (and why I wish I was off for the whole thing). Yup, right in the thick of things:



I am working till 6:00 the first day, that will be a fun commute home. "Official" word is that I should expect waits of up to an hour for the train in the evenings.

This is why I'm glad I am working on the 9th. Again, right in the thick of things.



Good times

Library Cuts are Not Healthy for Children & Other Living Things

Addendum:
The funding results are here

---

Please consider these scenarios

1. It's 9:00pm and you're working on a paper. You need one more source and it has to be from a peer reviewed journal.
   
   What to do.
   
   Why not try the library's chat service AskAway? Within minutes a library staffer has show you a great database filled with peer reviewed articles on your topic. Not only that but they helped you find a source that demonstrates how to cite an electronic resources. You're good to go and you get your paper in on time.


2. When you were a kid you read this (you thought*) great science fiction book. Some 30 years later the book creeps into your head. You'd like to read it again, but your library doesn't own it.
   
   What to do.
   
   Turns out your local library has this great service called Interlibrary Loans. If your library doesn't own a book you want, they can find one that does and order it in for you. Usually within a couple of week.


3. You have a great idea for a business, but are not sure that it's a feasible idea. Times are tough and you want the best information possible to help you make your decision
   
   What to do.
   
   The librarian in the Science & Business division points you to many great sources, including some very helpful databases that supply company statistics, entrepreneurial information and articles about your field.

These are just a few of the services provided by BC libraries that are being threatened with massive grant cuts

If this pisses you off as much as it does me (and my colleagues), please visit Stop BC Library Cuts and:

• Learn how these cuts could diminish the fantastic library service we've all come to rely on here in BC.


• Read some of the media coverage.


• And most important: Sign the petition that could help prevent reductions in service.

If you're not in BC, please contact your local library and offer support. Many, many libraries are hurting right now, and it's not a resource that we can afford to lose.

Another thing to keep in mind. Although this post is Vancouver Public Library centric, (because that's where I work), other small BC libraries will be hit much, much harder. A much smaller percentage of VPL's budget comes from grant money than that of the smaller library systems.

Here's the (itsy bitsy) coverage from Global BC this morning:


* or "me thought" as the case may be. Exciting scenario # 2 is an amazing true story.

Can We Trade in Our Car...

... for a Chevy?

This ad fills me with great confidence:



Couldn't find the Canadian version on Youtube, but it's almost identical.

If you really want to see it go here and click on "What the New GM is going to look like" video.

Fills me with confidence, oh yes it does.

All I can say is that I'm glad we don't have an American car.

We do own an American work van. But it's ancient and paid for and when it dies, it dies.

Secret: I actually find the seat in our crappy old van more comfortable than in our 2 year old car. But that's because I like to sit with my legs @ a 90 degree angle, and you can't do that in a car.

How Many Times Has This Happened?

As you may remember - if you didn't burn your brain - I blogged about the wunder boner not too long ago.

I did my research on that one because I couldn't believe it was real. And since I'm the one that is constantly sending friends and relatives links to Snopes to disprove all those damn emails about carjacking, new diseases, and double full moons, I tend to not believe anything I see on the interwebs. So imagine my surprise when I found enough proof that the wunder boner is real.

And image my complete and utter disbelieve (and disgust and a few other oogy things) when I found this on Fail Blog.



Why? Dear sweet mother of god, why? Would you golf with these idiots?

I wish I could tell you it's a joke. I really, really do.

Nope, sorry.

But then again. It's shit like this that supplies me with material.

Your Hamster in the Box And it’s Not Breathing.

Once upon a time I loved flying.

Not so much anymore.

The last trip I took (last summer) was cramped and tedious. The service was fine, but 3 hours in a cramped stuffy space with nothing to eat is not my idea of fun. I had a head cold too. Extra fun!

I would like flying if I was rich. Then I could fly like this:

(Emirates first class)

Or this:

(Virgin first class)

Well maybe not the second one, at least not to India

Seems that a passenger was not overly happy with his dinner on a Mumbai to Heathrow flight. Or what may have been presented as dinner. Or perhaps Spackle.

Doesn't this look yummy?


God only know what it is. The passenger certainly didn't know. And he wonders if Richard Branson knows.

He had a few words to say to Mr. Branson, and those words spread to the world.

Apparently this letter has been making the email rounds for a while, and as usual I'm the last to know.

Happy travels

My Wife Would Like That!

This company must not have a marketing department.

At least not a sober one.

I think the laugh @ 0:16 just might be real.

And the "actors" pretty desperate for cash.

[Hilarious Commercial - The Wunder Boner]

And Jack Black as Jesus Christ

Of course I'm probably the last to find this, but so glad I did.

Prop 8 sucks. And here to tell you why is writer Marc Shaiman and starring (in part): Margaret Cho, Andy Richter, Maya Rudolph, John C. Reilly, Allison Janney, Kathy Najimy, Sarah Chalke, Jack Black & Neil Patrick Harris.

The whole story here

For more on the shrimp thing, check out the Skeptic's Annotated Bible

The Senate Just Got Entertaining

So Hillary Rodham Clinton is leaving the senate to become Barack Obama's Secretary of State. That means there's a seat to fill. And guess who wants it?

Caroline Kennedy and Fran Drescher.

Yup, Fran Drescher. Best know as the uber annoying Nanny.

Details here

Best quote so far (and something I stated myself before I read this), from a People Magazine poll: "Here's one way to prevent any filibusters: Fran Drescher's screechy voice."

Almost guaranteed that any motion she brings forward will be passed as fast as possible, just to shut her up.

Of course there is some other competition, but they are all boring so who cares.

Civic Election Suckiness

All I can say is thank god we at least got a couple of council members to counter the asshole votes of our big business mayor.



What's really sad is slightly less than 10,000 people voted in New West. Population of the city is 58,549.

But at least Vancouver got good results. Thank you people of Vancouver!

With Apologies...

I'm sorry for the second dose of Palin. But I couldn't resist.

Have you seen this? No? Go ahead, I'll wait.



Well the folks @ College humor decided to run with the idea and created this video:

It's badly good (or goodly bad, can't quite decide), but I wish they could have gotten Tina Fey for the lead.

If anyone out there can find one video clip of Palin not sounding like a total and complete git, please let me know. Anything you dreamt up under the influence of drugs, booze, or hot fudge doesn't count.

I'll be watching the Vice-presidential debate Thursday night (6:00-8:00 on just about every damn channel out there). I think it's going to be a bit like the movie Scream - both funny and scary - but less self aware. I know nothing about Biden and I already like him better.

Oh Those Alaskan Neighbours

[ jeromekaplan's Photos]

This video is scary, scary shit.

How can anyone elect this woman? Here she is trying to prove what she knows about foreign relations. But only manages to prove the opposite.

All the while having great difficulty stringing together words into a comprehensive sentence.


(Sorry about the stupid 30 second CBS ad)

Of course I'm not qualified to vote in the American election. But if I was, I would vote Palin. The other Palin



Better choice isn't it?

T-shirts & other swag here

(Sarah Palin video found on Dooce)

Look @ That Horse

The bushy tail, the big teeth, the hooves...

Words completely fail me.



The next time somebody asks you for employment advise for their lazy good-for-nothing cousin / son / nephew, suggest they try for a job at Shop at Home TV. Looks like they aren't too picky.

It's Party Time!

[TCM Hitchhiker's Photos]

Wild animals + rotten fruit = fun tonight / bad tomorrow

I See Dead People, And They Glitter

We all gotta go sometime, and when I do I figured I would either be cremated or I would donate my body to science.

But now it seems I have to rethink my options because I found something even better.

I Wanna be a ring, a beautiful, beautiful "diamond" ring.

Because what's the point of dying, if you can't gross out your loved ones forever.

Think I'm joking?

Emmmm. May I present:

LifeGem...

The LifeGem ® is a certified, high-quality diamond
created from the carbon of your loved one as a
memorial to their unique life.

Now what colour should I be?

Mama Must Be So Proud

[leam's Photos]

So (puff, puff, wheeze, puff), didya hear bout the dude who went gambling with pot 'stead of cash?

No way!

Way!

Did they (puff, puff, cough, puff) catch him?

DUH!



Remember kids, always carry cash.

I. Can't. Breath!

I will never bitch about how crowded skytrain is again (until I do)

[A Train in China - Reserved Seats...]